Monday, 07 May 2012

  • Material things don't make a person happy, but having a CLEAN living space that looks nice with some nice things will at least make someone feel content when they come home.

    I NEED TO CLEAN MY ROOM. WHY CAN'T I MAKE MYSELF DO IT.

    (Because, Jenna, it will be a pain in the ass and gross and it's easier to lay down and listen to fake rain on your computer.) (Now you sound like you're depressed.) (I'm not, I just don't feel like cleaning.) (Are you sure?) (Pretty sure.)

    The truth is, sometimes I look at websites that have all these neat things that will make your life perfect and beautiful and even if I bought them, I know I will never utilize them in the right way to make my life perfect and beautiful. I've tried, and always failed. I will keep trying to not live in complete filth but sometimes it gets pretty overwhelming. For awhile I thought I was grown up, because I became a clean person. Now I'm thinking it was only because I lived with Brian, and I felt claustrophobic and trapped and cleaning was the only way to make me feel like I was normal again, or at least being "me". Now, after however many years, I've slowly come back to my old habits. (Can I just briefly mention, however, that it is so strange that it's been years and years since I broke up with Brian, and how can I even still consider him an "ex" because it was so long ago? I mean, technically he was, but he isn't a recent ex and I don't think our relationship, and who I was within it, can define me anymore [not in a stupid way like NO ONE CAN DEFINE ME, but more like a.. here's what I'm like in relationships.. kind of way], and yet still if someone is asking me questions about my romantic life I will still reference the way we were as if it was something that mattered anymore, which it isn't and it's been so long now that it is nearly irrelevant, but still it is the majority of the experience that I have with long-term relationships, and so I guess that's why I might still consider it somewhat telling. But it's not. And it really has been forever. Maybe it's time I stop using him as an example. That's like when people ask if you're athletic at age 20 and you say that you used to play soccer up until middle school. Kind of doesn't count after awhile.)

    Either way, I have so much shit I don't need or want anymore. But I feel bad simply throwing it away (because what a waste), and I feel bad giving it away (like hey here's my shit, surely someone must want it, considering it's from ME, JENNA, the best person ever, just give it to someone poor and I'll pretend like it's not cluttering up the world in which we live). WHAT DO I DO.

    I think I will lay down and listen to fake rain on my computer plus maybe a slow song and I will think about nothing at all.

    Or maybe I should just clean my room.

    I guess we'll see what happens. I'll try both.

Saturday, 05 May 2012

  • So today I'm pretty sure I pronounced the Spanish word for carrot wrong, like all day, on accident. I'll have to act cool about it on Monday.

    This whole week I've had some mysterious bronchitis-y illness, that never once prevented me from going to work, but it prevented me from feeling like a normal human being every single day. It super sucks (because working while you're sick is the worst, but it's especially awful when you aren't technically sick enough to need to leave). I have a gross cough and you can hear my lungs when I breathe, and also I haven't been able to work out once this whole week. On top of that, I've been eating all kinds of bad stuff, like pizza and Chinese food. And spending more money than I should. Bad habits.

    On the topic of bad habits, what is really really weird is that I have kind of stopped drinking. It's become almost a nonissue, when before it was a real challenge to stop drinking. There are times I'll have a beer or two (at most), but generally I don't feel like it anymore. Probably a good thing, because I get hungover so easily. That's the main reason I don't anymore. The other main reason is that I realized I was drinking a lot specifically with the hopes that any crushes would become realized due to my drunken overconfidence and quips, but in the end, if someone likes you they will just like you. Regardless of how shy or outgoing you are. I don't think anyone would suddenly be hit with the force of some new crush like WHAT WHY DIDN'T I SEE IT BEFORE, all because I'm a recently drunk idiot.

    Whoa I just got sidetracked for like a full 15 minutes, admiring myself on FaceTime. What beauty. Timeless grace.

    And anyway, on the "sexy" scale, anything I might say or do would probably linger at like a 4 on most days and 2 when I'm intoxicated. I tend to find humor in doing the most unattractive things possible while drinking, on purpose, specifically in front of men I hope to impress. I was born to perform, or at the very least embarrass myself. On the "cute" scale, I'd say I'm like way way up there, but that is a different story.

    I think this summer I'm going to plan a couple of different trips. Probably one to Columbia to see Christina, then one to Atlanta to see Sara. I was thinking of one to Boston, because Glenn lives in that beach house and that would be sweeeeeet to chill in for a weekend before they decide to move out of it sometimes soon, and then also see all my pals. However, I want to plan trips to see Christina and Sara first because I haven't gone to visit either of them in quite some time. Christina not since like... our freshman year of college (WOW! Really that long ago?!?) and Sara a couple years after that, at the end of college.

    Guess I should go to bed. I wanted to talk about something other than working out and trying to get my teaching certificate. I did it!!!!



Monday, 30 April 2012

  • HEY so let me tell you about the Warrior Dash!

    It was SO COOL!

    I did it, I really did that thing. I got there and I even ran the whole time, didn't walk. So anyway, I will tell you more about it starting now.

    It was at this big giant "Adventure Park" (aka the place I'm having my next birthday party) and they have all this crazy shit outside everywhere because it's normally a paintball field (like giant spools and shacks and tree houses and zip lines and whatever). I was really, really, really nervous and scared. I was all alone! No one did it with me. SO anyway, the air horns go off and everyone in my wave starts running, and everyone starts out really fast (a dumb move for the majority of those people, running is all about pacing yourself) and we run for a bit and the first obstacle is this thing where you basically balance on a single board and go up, then down, then across, then up more and then down, only the whole time you're like 5-8 feet in the air (that's the scary part) and there's nothing to hold on to, you just walk across.. I had a lot of trouble with that because I am so scared of nearly everything, but especially scared of heights.

    So anyway, with the encouragement of the lady behind me and the help of the guy working at that obstacle I managed to make it, and I ran on. Then we get to this cool shaded part of the path and there's a giant mud pit (most people went around it, no use getting muddy at the start of the race) and it was generally a muddy area so a lot of slipping and sliding. then the next one I THINK was these trenches that we had to crawl through because of the barbed wire above us.

    The next thing was climbing up a structure and then sliding down a pole to get back down. That was kind of cool/weird. Then there was a cargo net type thing, perched over this big pit, so we had to crawl across that sideways. In between all of this was running. Some of the time, I was excited to get to the next obstacle because it meant I could stop running, haha. Most of the obstacles were pretty simple - it just required getting over any fears I had about doing it. The most physically exhausting one was a bunch of 4 ft-ish high walls that we had to lift ourselves up and jump over. There were like 5 of them and by the end of it, I was really feeling it. That one was rough.

    At the very end, we had to swim into a small lake and pull ourselves up and over a line of buoys, then swim more, then go over them one more time. The problem is, I am very short, and I had tapped out most of my arm strength at that point. I really couldn't pull myself up... I tried and I tried and my shorts were on the verge of falling down every time I jumped, and I could hardly get my arms across the entire thing.. then behind me this wave of people were coming towards me, and I knew I was about to be in their way... so I just went around it. Maybe next year I'll be able to do it.

    Anyway, it was pretty cool, doing all that awesome stuff. It felt really good to be able to do it. Sometimes I can't believe I can do that... I mean, running for 2 minutes straight was a feat for me just a few years ago. Now I'm doing this shit... it took me 1 hr and 7 minutes to cross the finish line. That means, that for more than an hour, I was running and climbing and jumping and crawling.. that's so weird to think about sometimes, when I compare it to what I used to be able to do (not much). I jumped over the fire at the end and then crawled through the mud pit, and overall -- cool experience. So glad I did it. And I can't wait to do another one!




Wednesday, 18 April 2012

  • I decided that after the Warrior Dash I am going to take my main focus off of running. I've been running for a few years now, and I think I've got it down. I started Insanity, which is a P90X type program, and I will focus on that for the next month or two. Insanity work outs are pretty awesome and intense (I mean the crazy fit people that are in the video actually have to stop and it's a whole lot of groaning and grimacing, as opposed to smiling and whatever else that happens in most workout videos). They're like the conditioning drills I used to have to do when I was on the basketball team (when I was in middle school).

    Anyway, so after the Warrior Dash I'm going to focus on getting my overall fitness level up using Insanity, and probably run every now and again, but it will be cool to see my running ability get better.

    MAN I APOLOGIZE for talking about working out pretty much exclusively now. Would you rather have me talk about cats? I don't know. Swarley rules though.

    The worst thing happened today - there was a .... you know what.. IN MY BED. I don't even want to type out the word. It was a kind of bug that's the worst kind of bug in the entire world. Not a spider. THE OTHER ONE. Like I said, the worst kind of bug in the entire world. I went into my room and I was sitting on my bed on the computer and I sensed a strange creature and SURE ENOUGH there it was, and I screamed and cried, and I literally bawled, like stood in the doorway and bawled and Katie had to save me and then she said I should probably see someone about my fear because I guess my reaction was very extreme according to her. It probably was but they are the worst and I had to wash all of my blankets and now I just don't know if I will get to sleep tonight knowing that that piece of shit little bug was in my bed, making everything good in my life turn sour at the mere sight of his grotesque form. I was scared I would actually start to vomit into a basin of some sort.

    You know, seeing dogs in shoes is actually kind of cool.

    Also when they show that Olympics commercial and it's really intense, and I guess I missed the intro to the games the last time around but MAN can you imagine being in that arena, I would truly cry my eyes out due to intense emotion... just.. human beings... doing stuff... playing games. And the thing about those games is that they are all about what we can do with our bodies, as a species. The most physically able people on the planet. It must be crazy to win the Olympics.. to be THE BEST IN THE WORLD at what you do. Where do you even go from there? I guess I would find a new hobby. Or start to read a cool book.

    I really need to start eating a lot cleaner. It's funny, when I search for other people using Insanity (usually on Tumblr) they will also put their food for the day.. its like yogurt and fresh fruit, grilled chicken salad, salmon and asparagus whatever. If I did that it would be like... Cheerios... an Italian sandwich and chips... a big hunk of mozzarella, etc. So I need to work on my eating habits. I DID bake some awesome chicken yesterday, like I gave it a crispy crust and everything like fried chicken, and it was really good and I am clearly ready to be someone's mom.

    Actually, I totally am. Okay, I'm not READY to be someone's mom, but I have made the definite decision in my mind that I will want children whenever I'm with whoever I'm going to be making that decision with. It's a surprise to me only because I was totally not into that from ages 20 to like, 24. I guess it feels weird to have suddenly changed my mind, but that happens I suppose. Those are kind of normal ages to not want kids I think, and this is a pretty normal age to start wanting a kid I think. Sooooo it all evens out.

    This Mavs game is really close and it rules/sucks. But between you and me, I think we are going to win.

    EDIT: HEY GUYS WE WON

Thursday, 12 April 2012

  • I have created a system to slowly get my room clean. I wrote a bunch of little small goals on some sticky notes. They say things like "book shelf area" and "night stand area" and "long sleeved shirts". I put them on my wall, and when I complete a goal, I get to take it down. I have like 18 different small goals on my wall so far. For stuff that says things like "long sleeved shirts" or "dresses" I would compile every article of that kind of clothing together, and throw out the stuff I don't wear/want anymore. If I still have too many of those things, that's when the hard part comes. HOPEFULLY once I take down every single sticky note, my room will be clean. If it's not, I have some major rethinking to do.

    I recently applied to like 5 or 6 more REAL teaching jobs. It would be so nice just to get an interview or something! To at least go in and get to try. Know how to do it maybe once. I really, really, really need to get working on my online classes. So hard to make myself do it because I can do it anytime, and then I'm like ehhh I'll do it later.

    Training for the Warrior Dash is interesting, because I'm kind of being lazy. I'm still working out every day (taking a rest day today actually) but I'm definitely not pushing myself in any real way. The things I'm doing feel hard when I'm doing them though. But still, I think I need to be pushing myself a lot harder. I'm not sure. I guess I have no idea how hard this will actually be on race day. I mean, I've heard of people doing it completely drunk before (totally stupid, I think). I guess it all depends on how fit I actually am -- and I have no idea how fit I actually am.

    I've started to get compliments from people who don't know I've been running and training and stuff. That means its getting noticeable in a real way! I will need to buy new work pants soon though. I could probably hold off, but honestly, they are annoying to work in. I have to pull them up and they sag weirdly and blech. Unflattering. I also need a new bathing suit, but I'd rather wait until the last minute, that way it definitely fits me for at least a little while. I won't complain if I have to get a new one in the middle of the summer though (I would probably fake-complain actually).

    Byyyyyye!


Saturday, 07 April 2012

  • I am outta my funk!

    In fact, sorry to be weird maybe to you but not to me, as of today I am at the lowest weight I've ever been, even that one time that I lost weight but then gained it back, I never got this low, so now it feels like I'm starting over if you know what I mean. Like from this point on it's all new territory, it's all new milestones, whatever whatever.

    So anyway, the reason it's so low is because APRIL is my Warrior Dash training month because that is on the 22nd, so I have been training pretty hard. I am so excited and scared its unreal! I have been running a bunch and also doing good muscle things a bunch. I think my next move is a trail run of some sort to get used to uneven terrain.

    In other news, my room is SO GROSS. I can't seem to keep it clean to save my life lately. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to get rid of like 200 articles of clothing. I say 200 instead of 332,323 because 200 still sounds like an exaggeration but IT'S DEFINITELY NOT.

    Swarley is getting cuter and cuter everyday!

    Went to Beck's birthday party and he is CUTE. I hope to one day have a baby half as beautiful as he is. I can't believe a baby can be so good-looking. I'm also really excited about Joe and Lindsay's bebeh, and I'm excited that they will probably visit down here more often so I might be able to hold it and play with it and also me and Lindsay talked a long time on Fbook chat yesterday and we were totally bonding! We were connecting!

    Katie works with me now at my preschool and she looooooves it, and I honestly didn't think she would, but she totally loves hanging out with little kids. The little kids she hangs with are like 1. Lydia also seemed interested in a job. She has to go back to work full time and her job now is really getting to her.

    Wow! I updated everyone on like everyone!

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

  • I am here to let you know

    that I don't want to do anythinnnnnnng. I haven't worked out consistently in like 3 weeks. I went on a run yesterday, then I did another one maybe a week before that. Maybe another a week before that. I just don't want to do anything. I feel so tiiiiiiired and laaaaazy and excuse-y.

    I can put my hair in a braid now, it's long enough, but it's too bad the Hunger Games came out because now it's all the rage. Well, whatever, I can still do it.

    Blahhhhhh, I just feel blah.

    I think I'm going to eat some chocolate and go on a bike ride around my neighborhood, just because it's pretty out. The chocolate I'm eating because it tastes good. The bike is because it's nice outside. I want to take a nap foreverrrrrrrrr booooooo so tired.

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

  • Y'all wanna know what gets me pumped??

    1. I'm sweating while I'm getting ready for the first time in like a year. It rules, it sucks, but it mainly rules.

    2. Countdown by Beyonce in like every way, all the time.

    3. Clumsy by Fergie most of the time, I have no shame.

    4. I am registered for the WARRIOR DASH and I am so stoked/scared. I don't know if you've ever seen me try to get down from a bunk bed before, but you might know I'm not the best at taking risks.

    5. SWIMMING!! I can't wait to do it! It might be a couple of months away but I think summer is supposed to start early because of how mild our winter was and El Niño or whatever.

    6. I get to buy a new bathing suit because my old one doesn't fit anymore! It falls off pretty easily (cue whistling), and it might not even fit at all by the time summer comes around.

    THINGS ARE GOING TO BE SO GREAT.

    Also, I did 30 consecutive push ups last night and my biceps and deltoids are looking DOPE in a real way.

Monday, 12 March 2012

  • hey congrats to me because i didn't bother drinking once this entire weekend. i thought about it but then was all "nahhhhh" and i wasn't hungover once and i still had such fun!

    gotta go back to work tomorrow, but i feel ready for it i think.

    today i opened my box of summer clothes, as it was totally beautiful outside, and IT TURNS OUT i don't have much at all. like 2 dresses and a skirt and 2 little tank tops. this is ridiculous! i have to go shopping! i should have done it this weekend but i was a fool.

    i half-cleaned my room this weekend and then kind of just stopped.

    a fool!

    oh wait i just realized that i did drink once on friday and also did a bit of something else before i left the house, but still, everything wore off pretty quickly.

    i think i'm going to work out and catch up on my shows. okay, glad we talked, bye.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

  • Yo this weekend's been good.

    DAMNIT jaclyn just got in the shower. I should have done it when I had my chance! Oh well, now I will maybe paint my nails.

    Festival has been fun although last night was strange. Sister got super drunk and then a guy was crying and needed a ride home and I was really sad for him and I keep thinking about it now and feeling sad because he said he was cold.

    I think I feel weird this weekend because I don't have anyone that I'm FOR SURE doing all of these things with. Everyone's doing their own thing and I don't really have a partner in crime. That's okay, because I'm not committing any crimes. But still, I kind of show up at the festival and then hope I run into a friend (which I always do) but isn't that kind of sad? Isn't that the sad thing you've heard of the day? Oh except for that drunk guy who spoke very little English and I'm pretty sure we caught him trying to break into a car and he cried and wiped his eyes with his sleeves and said he only knew people from work and we just told him to go to the square and that someone could help him there. Oh my God, I really can't handle it. THIS IS WHY I could never do any kind of real social work, I will cry all day. I just really really hope he found a way home.

    NOOOOO IM SO SAD NOW.

    Oy.

    But that's the thing, if I was a man, a big one, that could help, I probably would have helped that dude. But I'm a girl. I don't know what he would try to do. It sucks to want to help but knowing you shouldn't because it's not smart or safe to help strange men.

    Anyway.

    Also, last night, the most beautiful man in the world was there at the show (well, he played in it also but that's not why I thought he was cute! I noticed him way before he went on stage) and he was very mountain man-y and so so fine.